Makana (gift)

A group of us were working on the script to the Vagina Monoluges when I noticed this bird kept flying over head. Seeing as we were inside a building, I thought this was unusual and so I listened and watched what she was doing. I could tell she was looking for something. I heard a little peep from the corner and went to see if I could help. The baby bird had flown too early and was hiding under a shelf. I tried to give the mother space to reclaim her baby, but after a while there didn't seem hope so I took this little angel home with me; Makana. I kept him where I keep all the little hurt or baby creatures that come to me, on my heart, pretty much at all times. I wear a halter top or something that will hold them gently by my heart. I know how fragile birds are and so I slept sitting up for days while this little one was nesting in my shirt. He would always wake up hungry and I would know because I was right there with him. After tending to him for about a week he seemed pretty strong so I prepared a screened box for him with a heating pad covered by towels. I put Makana in a little nest I made with the towels and turned the heating pad on to low-med (it had about 6 settings on it) so he would be warm enough. I cuddled up with my neglected fiance' for 15 minutes and then checked on Makana who was doing fine. So I cuddled for another half an hour or so and when I went to pick up this baby bird again he had passed away. Birds are so fragile. I assume it got too hot in there, though it didn't feel much hotter than body temperature, and wondered why he didn't just hop a little to one side to cool off. Nonetheless, I felt responsible for his death and my heart was broken at the loss of my new friend. It was still very dark early in the morning, but I was full of emotion. I put running shoes on and held him close and walked up to the top of the hill in the dark without a flashlight about a mile away. I buried him at dawn with a personal ceremony to set his spirit free. His spirit came to me with a gentle thank you and goodbye.

Maluhia (Peace)

After trimming trees in the back yard, Ikaika, Home's youngest son, noticed a nest and then two tiny bare pink birds. We gathered them to give them loving attention and care. One passed on pretty quickly and one was just really mellow hanging in there. We had no idea what kind of bird it was as it was still pinkish grey and had not one feather - it's eyes were still closed. I put her in her new nest right by my heart; I always know that is the perfect temperature - not too hot, and not too cold. They can also feel the heart beat and know they are loved constantly. I wasn't sure about this one and didn't have much hope. Honestly, my heart was broken from loosing Makana and I didn't want to open up again. This bird wouldn't eat for the whole rest of the day and through the night. I knew that if she didn't eat the next morning she didn't have a chance at life. I also knew that if I didn't open up and give her my full heart she didn't have a chance, so I had no choice but to open up again and love her fully which saved her life - and taught me a great lesson about what it means to truly be a woman - to open up completely again and again, to love fully, even in the knowing that pain might be around the corner. Within a week her eyes had opened, but we still couldn't tell what kind of bird she was. Her fuzzy down started coming in and little feathers started coming out in spikes; she was kind of like the ugly little duckling, she looked like a naked miniature pelican or something. We were developing a rapport Miha and I; when she was hungry she would get so excited and need food right away - this was very urgent and she had no qualms about letting me know. What a little cutie. We finally realized that she was a dove and changed her name to Maluhia or Malu(peace). My fiance' and I got married and went camping for our honeymoon. Of course the bird came too. By this time Malu had started to get feathers and was preening herself; she actually had her first flight on our honeymoon. When we returned home from our not so romantic honeymoon (considering there was bird poop on me - the nest, and the bed. It's a wonder he ever married me) Malu was stretching her wings and ready to fly. I would hang out with her on the roof and set her out on the branches of the Plumeria tree off the deck so she could get used to being outside. She eventually learned to fly around the neighborhood and would come home for lunch, cuddles, and to roost on the fan in the middle of the room. She often enjoyed my company, and head rubs, while I was working at the computer. I tried to teach her about cats and to stay up high, but she would watch the other birds on the ground and go with them to forage for food. She was a free bird to begin with and she loved being free and flying around the neighborhood, I didn't feel it was right to put her in a cage. Every evening at sunset she would fly right in and up to her perch for the night. This was consistent for quite a while until the inevitable happened. One day she didn't come home; I tried not to worry that something was wrong. I searched the neighborhood calling and calling to her and slept outside on the porch close to one of her favorite areas, woke up the next morning and looked for her again, but there was no sign of her anywhere. She could have flown away I suppose with a cute male dove, but my intuition was that she didn't. My heart was again broken at the loss of my friend, the baby I raised since her eyes were closed, since she was just days old. I put my big backpack on and went camping by myself for two nights next to jungle waterfalls and felt her presence so close. She came to me as an angel, wrapped her beautiful loving wings around me and stayed with me the whole time I was there. I felt so protected by her, as if she had created a nest for me the way I had done for her. I felt like nothing could ever hurt me as I was nestled into the down of her all encompassing effulgent wings. I then felt her inside my womb as if she will come back as my child in this life; wings inside me curled up in childs pose, growing, and wings embracing me, protecting me as if I was in a womb. I was giving birth to an angel and I was that angel being born. I felt like a fractal or something. With Juniper, the little ground squirrel, I had a similar feeling. I wonder if these little animals are little incarnations of my children. She taught me to love again and to always open again, to live life to the fullest and to follow my heart without fear. She made me more of a woman. Thank you Maluhia. I love you always.

Kahlil a.k.a. The Great Fuzoo

He came home to us one day found stranded in a parking lot. We asked around and put up signs, but nobody claimed him so he became Kahlil - The Great Fuzoo. We created a space for him that took up a quarter of our living space at the time. Then we rabbit proofed the house and after he had been trained in the litter box, we all lived happily together with no gates. My favorite was when he would do his hoppy circle dance around me and end up by my face for Eskimo kisses. I never knew rabbits had so many different sounds they make. I enjoyed bringing him fresh organic greens and carrot tops and listening to his soft coos while eating the fresh yummies. I often imagined how healthy I would be if I only ate what he did and so I strived to emulate him. When we moved back to Maui we found him a beautiful loving home with two young girls and a dog who all love him very much.

Juniper Sunbear Chirpy - "Juni"

This little guy was an amazing catalyst in my life that centered me again when I had gotten far off track and was not in practice of listening to my inner voice. He woke me up to the fact that truth is inside of me - not outside of me, all I had to do was listen to that quiet gentle voice inside - my heart.

His story starts off being kicked out of his nest in the ground. Some friends of mine found him abandoned by a hole next to their tent and brought him up to the main camp. I took to him immediately; he was so adorable and tiny. I noticed that he had worms in his ears and didn't know if he would make it. Usually worms/maggots take over a decaying body, but he was alive and so with drops of hydrogen peroxide to bubble out the worms and q-tips to wipe them away we worked at getting the worms out. After the two day treatment he seemed to be o.k. I had him with me constantly, nestled right by my heart. Fed him eyedropperfuls of sunflower milk and anything else I could think of that would support his growth. He wasn't doing very good on what I had available to feed him; I knew he needed mother's milk to survive. Camping with a bunch of vegans miles away from town there was not a drop of milk anywhere. I just happened to be reading a book called Primal Mothering in a Modern World that had a whole chapter on the benefits of breast-feeding. There is actually an organization set up to help women who think they cannot breast feed - "La Leche' League" I think is the name. In this book they explained that some men can even lactate if they focus on it and visualize. This was very surprising to me of course, but I figured if a guy can do it maybe I can visualize and create some milk and save this little life in so much need of nutrition. I also had a young human child around me that I was tending to so those mothering instincts were already flowing. after just a day of visualizing and wanting so much to be able to save this little baby's life, who's eyes were still closed, I discovered I had created a drop of milk. Wow - it worked! - if I can make a drop I should be able to make an eyedropperful. This little tiny being can't eat that much. . . After just a quarter dropper full I could see life coming back into his little body. What an amazing feeling that something from inside me can be so life affirming. I kept this little one by my heart until his eyes opened and he was ready to start exploring the world. Little by little he ventured forth and we explored the big outdoors together. I would lift him up to the purple Lupine flowers and he would eat the buds while sitting in my hand. I knew I had to reintroduce him into nature because our time in the woods was limited. He was doing great to the point where I would just leave a little triangle door in the bottom of the tent and he would come and go as he pleased. If he was out playing amongst the flowers and I needed him, I would call to him and he would come running over. We would sleep together curled up and I said a prayer each night that he would be safe until morning, that I would wake if he needed anything at all and to help me sleep still so I would not roll over him. He mostly slept on my chest tucked in to my shirt so I didn't worry that much. He was so precious. I had to go to New York for 10 days and left him with a good friend. Sadly he didn't make it until I got back. His presence in my life was so pure, like that of a new born child, so innocent, so trusting. I was going through one of the more difficult times in my life while I was caring for him, and his death spurred on a transformation within me that brought me full circle back to my core. I was again centered to the point that no one could tell me what was right or wrong, for I believed in my heart, in my intuition; I listened to my insides for the first time in a long while. I knew what was right, and no one could take that from me.

I hiked a day on my own with Juni on my mind and in my heart. I was filled with deep sadness and yet a new sense of confidence and centeredness. I asked him why he had to go, why did you have to die. And the message that I got over and over was "this is my gift to you". . ."this is my gift to you", so lovingly and sweet and angelic without a hint of hurt or that he had to endure any kind of suffering in his passing. I did not understand the message at the time because I missed him so much, but now I understand, I know the power of what he offered me. It was as if he came to earth just to have this experience with me, just to help guide me into a deeper part of my soul and this was his mission. What he gave me was a miracle, turns out he was my salvation as well. This relationship with him was an amazing experience into the heights and depths of my heart and soul. Thank you Juni, my friend, for journeying with me for a moment in life. Thank you. You are etched into my soul. I hold you in my heart forever.

There are so many more beautiful animals I've had the opportunity to care for in my life. Each one opens a new place in my heart and soul and gives me a treasure I would not have known without that experience.

I know that if I had the opportunity to get to know that cow, that pig, duck, fish, chicken etc. that we would come to be friends. I can't fathom harming - much less eating one of my friends. There are so many other choices we can make of what to do with animals; eating them, shooting them for sport, and all the other hideous things some people use animals for is a disgrace to creation and self degrading to those who indulge. Relationship with animals is a step closer to the heaven that is abundantly awaiting us right here right now on this beautiful earth. They are wise and have much to share, try opening up to their language and they will tell you stories about yourself that you never knew, they'll take you on a journey into your soul, open your sight to the reality that paradise exists here and now. A place where our hearts are free, open and unafraid. They have shared so much with us already.